Being a single mom isn’t easy. The last time you had a few minutes to yourself, let alone a whole day or night, may be a distant memory. If you have children, then you know they tend to consume any time you have or don’t have. Whether it is because they require a lot of attention, or because you choose to dedicate every second in the day to them.

Being A Mother

I had my first child at a young age, and to be honest I put myself aside to fill the role of being a mother. I retired my big earrings to just a small post, I dressed a bit more conservative, and my conversations were more about sleepless nights with my child, instead of being up all night with friends. It’s funny how you adopt a different persona when you become a parent. You turn into the person you are expected to be or even want to be for your child, rather than the person you may have been.

Losing Yourself in Your Children

Now that I have 3 children in college, I’m sure that I shouldn’t have abandoned myself like I did. Of course, you want to be a good parent and role model for your children, but giving up everything that makes you who you are is not the answer either. Being a great parent can be done without forgetting who you are. Now that my children are grown, I am having a hard time letting go, partly because they are the loves of my life and I would do anything for them to stay little, but also because I can’t imagine a world where they do not need me as much as they once did. Most people would say that I did my job. I raised them to be independent women with the tools they need to carry them through life, but what about me? The full time job I had, has suddenly turned into a part time gig.

The problem with only being needed part of the time, is finding something to do the rest of the time. After dedicating yourself to a job that lasted 18+ years, you may find that you don’t remember how to do anything else. That includes being yourself. It is easy to forget who you once were, when you are busy helping your babies discover who they will be.

Making Time for Yourself

As a parent, and single mom, I recommend making time for yourself, once a week, or at least once a month. Go out with your girlfriends, or on a date. Make time for you. If money is an issue, start saving, take out a cash advance on your paycheck, or take a look at the some of things to do on a night out without breaking the bank.

• Go to an R rated movie with friends (Avoid all PG rated films, it’s adult time.)
• Start a book club (Who cares if you actually read the book, just bring wine.)
• Go to dinner with a friend or even a love interest (Don’t order the chicken fingers and fries!)
• Go to a night club (That’s right! Dust off your heels and get ready to dance.)
• Catch up with a friend (Bring dessert and a cup of coffee to help you stay awake.)
• Check out what’s going on in your area, there may be a free concert or event you may enjoy (Try something new. Remember, you used to be fun.)
• And many more options….

The point is, to take advantage of any time you can while your kids are growing, so that you don’t forget who you are once they are grown. Take the time to discover who you are not only as a parent, but a person. You won’t regret it!